2008 Woodie Awards
Gimme Shelter
By: Katherine Tylevich
Issue date: 3/31/06 Section: Features
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A note to first-years: There comes a time in every rising sophomore's life when he or she realizes that the carefree days of living with assigned roommates in assigned living quarters are over. Congratulations, underclassperson, you've reached a collegiate puberty of sorts (mazel tov), and now I think it's time we had ourselves “the talk.” Before you run off making the wrong decisions, sticking yourself in God-knows-what-kind-of sticky [living] situations, take a gander at these here dorm reviews. With my suggestions in hand, you'll be ready to face your upcoming room draw with confidence and poise. Go get 'em, Tony Danza! Show that dorm room who's [the] boss!
Dupre
Dupre rooms best express themselves through the words of Abba's hit song, Take a Chance on Me: “If you change your mind [about living with your irritating quasi-friend who happened to draw a good number], I'm the first in line! Honey I'm still free [because nobody wants to dwell within my sterile embrace], Take a chance on me!” Before you start acting all high and mighty, calling Dupre desperate and outdated, take into account the other Nordic qualities the dorm has to offer. Its Scandinavian architecture, for one! Sleek and modern, this brick biddy lacks the arrogant bourgeoisie ornamentation of, say, Wallace. You won't find any over-the-top luxuries here, so you better stop looking, baby (Insider's Scoop: room 501 does come equipped with a personal bidet, but no toilet.) Added bonus: The Dupe's cozy single rooms make playing “conjugal visit” with loved ones all the more realistic.
Another perk in the spirit of collectivity? While living in Old Man Dupe, you'll feel ever-closer to the people. Given the building's lack of insulation, you'll know all the ups and downs of your peers' day-to-day lives. You'll know if someone is in need of comfort when you hear your neighbor sobbing uncontrollably one wall over, you'll know when someone's in the grips of a most-pleasurable intercourse (no clarification necessary here), and you'll definitely have the pleasure of knowing when your classmates are intoxicated, as they will undoubtedly stomp and prance through the hallways laughing, yelling and/or retching gaily!
Dupre
Dupre rooms best express themselves through the words of Abba's hit song, Take a Chance on Me: “If you change your mind [about living with your irritating quasi-friend who happened to draw a good number], I'm the first in line! Honey I'm still free [because nobody wants to dwell within my sterile embrace], Take a chance on me!” Before you start acting all high and mighty, calling Dupre desperate and outdated, take into account the other Nordic qualities the dorm has to offer. Its Scandinavian architecture, for one! Sleek and modern, this brick biddy lacks the arrogant bourgeoisie ornamentation of, say, Wallace. You won't find any over-the-top luxuries here, so you better stop looking, baby (Insider's Scoop: room 501 does come equipped with a personal bidet, but no toilet.) Added bonus: The Dupe's cozy single rooms make playing “conjugal visit” with loved ones all the more realistic.
Another perk in the spirit of collectivity? While living in Old Man Dupe, you'll feel ever-closer to the people. Given the building's lack of insulation, you'll know all the ups and downs of your peers' day-to-day lives. You'll know if someone is in need of comfort when you hear your neighbor sobbing uncontrollably one wall over, you'll know when someone's in the grips of a most-pleasurable intercourse (no clarification necessary here), and you'll definitely have the pleasure of knowing when your classmates are intoxicated, as they will undoubtedly stomp and prance through the hallways laughing, yelling and/or retching gaily!
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